It’s comics time on Popular Antiquarian as my parlous state of mental health sends me scurrying into the comforting embrace of 1960s Batman, here represented by issue 350 of Detective Comics from April 1966. The Caped Crusader has allegedly met his match in the shape of the very stupid Monarch of Menace but what kind of quality does this retro comic represent? Listen along to find out. The Batman story in this issue features art by Sheldon Moldoff pretending to be Bob Kane, inking by Joe Giella, lettering by Joe Letterese and cover art by Joe Kubert. It was written by Rob Kanigher.
S2E20 - Enter the Asylum - Titanic 666 (2022)
We’ve already covered Titanic 2 on the podcast and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen in my life so my expectations for Titanic 666 were rock bottom. Technically Titanic 2 2 being a sequel to Titanic 2 which is not itself actually a sequel to Titanic but if I think about it too long my head starts to hurt. Titanic 666 stars Jamie Bamber and Keesha Sharp and was directed by solid journeyman Nick Lyons. It was made for Tubi which is where streaming dreams go to die.
S219 Enter the Asylum - Ape Vs Monster (2021)
Apes. Monsters. We all know them. We all love them. We all admire them. Whether it’s King Kong, Godzilla or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man it’s fair to say that everyone enjoys seeing something very large do violence to a populated area. These are exactly the kind of special effects laden movies that you might expect The Asylum to struggle with so their mockbuster of Godzilla Vs Kong definitely conjures a degree of concern. Is that concern warranted? Find out by listening along as HJDoom reviews Ape Vs Monster.
S2E18 Enter the Asylum - The Da Vinci Treasure (2006)
Who doesn’t love a very cheap movie based on a successful film adaptation of a wildly successful novel written by a man who writes with all the grace and flair of a malfunctioning toilet? That’s what we get with The Asylum’s The Da Vinci Treasure, a mockbuster of the 2006 adaptation of The Da Vinci Code. They may not have Tom Hanks or Paul Bettany but they do have C Thomas Howell and a depressingly brief turn from Lance Henrikson. Join us for a truly wild ride that takes in London, half of Italy, Athens very briefly, and also Afghanistan for some reason in search of treasure hidden by Leonardo Da Vinci for very unclear reasons.
S2E17 - Enter the Asylum - Age of Tomorrow (2014)
Edge of Tomorrow is great. A really solid high concept scifi action movie anchored by Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt’s undeniable chemistry. Age of Tomorrow, The Asylum’s mockbuster of the same movie is a little different in that it’s not high concept, there’s very little action, and the leads have the kind of chemistry you would associate with rotting vegetable matter. I can usually find something laudable about these films but this one is a bit of a struggle. Listen along to find out how The Asylum goes about filming a serious fire in a building they only have for the afternoon. Also Robert Picardo is there.
S2E16 - Enter the Asylum - Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies (2012)
Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was a somewhat unsuccessful film but that’s never been a barrier to The Asylum trying to cash in on someone else’s marketing budget. In this case they simply replaced the vampires with zombies and the budget with the contents of Ra child’s dressing up box. They do at least have noted character actor Bill Oberst Jr playing the lead but will that be enough to redeem this film? Listen along to find out.
S2E15 - Enter the Asylum - Dracula: The Original Living Vampire (2022)
It’s something of a double header this episode as I actually sat down and watched Morbius, the film that Dracula: The Original Living Vampire is mockbustering. Morbius, it may shock you to learn is not a good movie but there’s always the possibility that The Asylum will manage to turn out something even worse. Listen along to find out.
S2E14 - Enter the Asylum - Transmorphers (2007)
It’s possible there are worse film makers out there than Michael Bay and if there are they’ve almost certainly worked for The Asylum at some point. Transmorphers is their attempt to recreate the cinematic magic of Bay’s Transformers movie, an astonishing franchise that somehow manages to be much stupidity than the Saturday morning cartoon from the 80s. How well does it work? Listen along to find out.
S2E13 - Enter the Asylum - Almighty Thor (2009)
When the villainous Loki is trying to cause Ragnarok there’s only one person you can turn to - Kevin Nash. In the unlikely event that Kevin Nash doesn’t make it then it’s going to fall to his son Baldir to deal with the menace. In the even more unlikely event that Baldir also dies horribly then I guess a young Thor’s going to have to step up to the plate to prevent a multiverse shattering apocalypse. How does this pan out and can you do the Marvel Cinematic Universe on the cheap? Listen along to find out.
S2E12 - Enter the Asylum - King of the Lost World (2005)
Once upon a time you couldn't move for gorillas in the movies and, thanks to the King Kong remake in 2005, the Asylum got on some of that sweet ape action. Ostensibly an adaptation of Arthur Conan Doyle's Lost World this horribly cheap jungle adventure features Bruce Boxleitner as the token actor you've heard of. How bad does the giant ape look? Listen along to find out.
S2E11 - Enter the Asylum - Titanic 2 (2010)
The sheer brass neck of making an unauthorised sequel to Titanic is in many ways the most impressive thing about this film. Is it possible to remake one of the greatest visual spectacles in modern cinema without access to vast quantities of money? Is it possible to do it without access to a boat? All these questions and more will be answered in this week’s episode.
S2E10 = Enter the Asylum - Battle for Pandora (2022)
If there’s one thing The Asylum loves it’s riffing on the work of James Cameron. Battle for Pandora, timed to coincide with the release of Avatar: The Way of Water in 2022 attempts to ride on the coattails of Cameron’s beautiful but boring science fiction epics. There’s no money for an actual epic so instead they follow a well-worn path in low budget science fiction. How well does it land? Listen along to find out.
S2E9 - Enter the Asylum - Android Cop (2014)
In 2014 there was arguably only one film less hotly anticipated than the remake of Robocop and that was the mockbuster of the remake of Robocop. Android Cop, The Asylum’s foray into the world of Robocop rip offs, a remarkable fecund genre of movie. It’s got a stacked cast by the standards of Asylum movies since it features both Michael Jai White and Charles S Dutton in key roles. But will the middling star power of the man who starred in Spawn be enough to save this movie? Listen along to find out.
S2E8 - Enter the Asylum - Battle Star Wars (2020)
The Star Wars franchise is one of the most beloved pieces of intellectual property in the world, despite Disney's best efforts to run it into the ground. Can the Asylum produce something worse than The Rise of Skywalker? Listen along to find out how space opera works when you can't afford either space or opera.
S2E7 - Enter the Asylum - Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus (2009)
In which HJDoom spends far too many words talking about The Asylum’s 2009 creature feature that does more or less what it says on the tin. There’s a shark. There’s an octopus. There’s no money. Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus stars Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamar, Vic Chao, and Sean Lawlor. It was written and directed by Jack Perez under the pseudonym Ace Hannah.
S2E6 - Enter The Asylum - The Terminators (2009)
Who knew that you could avoid infringing the copyright of The Terminator by simply sticking a letter S on the end? The Asylum that’s who. This was far from their first rodeo and it’s an effort to cash in on Terminator Salvation a film that looks better in retrospect only because everything got much worse after that point. The Terminator takes the core premise of a robot uprising but adds a little of that low budget magic by relocating most of the action to a small town in the middle of nowhere. Is it any good? No. Obviously not but is it any good by the peculiar standards of Asylum movies? Listen along to find out.
S2E5 - Enter the Asylum - Monster Mash (2024)
The Universal Monster movies are one of my absolute favourite things so the obvious thing to do was watch a deeply cynical attempt to cash in on their unique visual aesthetic whilst spending as little money as possible. What a glorious time to be alive.
S2E4 - Enter the Asylum - Snakes on a Train (2006)
Snakes on a Plane was arguably 2006’s biggest disappointment, a film that promised so much more than it was able to deliver despite the presence of noted charisma haver Samuel L Jackson. Fortunately all was not lost as The Asylum bravely decided to tackle the idea of reptiles on public transport with Snakes on a Train. It’s got no budget but can it manage to deliver some slithery thrills regardless? Listen along to find out what opinions HJDoom has on the matter.
S2E3 - Enter The Asylum - Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill
Zombie movies. The finest art form known to humanity or only the second finest art form known to humanity? This is one of the questions that may or may not be answered as HJDoom takes on The Asylum’s first movie produced in house and a rare foray originality (insofar as a zombie movie in 2004 could be called original). It’s certainly very cheap but is it also rubbish? Listen along to find out.
S2E2 - Enter The Asylum: H. G. Wells' War of the Worlds (2005)
Episode 2 of our deep dive into The Asylum sees us tackle the company’s first and arguably most successful mockbuster, H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds from 2005 which just so happened to come out at the same time as Spielberg’s riff on the classic novel. It’s obviously incredibly cheap but it does have H Thomas Howell in it. Will that help? Listen along to find out.