"It's like the Avengers, but they keep saying "bum trouble"." - A fan.
We Will Fix You takes your problems and fixes them with the magical power of Google and cheap red wine.
This week's fixee has issues with a chatty colleague. How to find that sweet spot where they talk a lot less than they do now, but without anyone being brought up on murder charges? Will this special four-fixer special episode sort it right out?
Right out.
Our questioner today has a problem getting started. With anything. But in particular with their cushy, and notionally self-starting job.
How can they be more motivated at work?
We'll tell you how...
Our questioner this week struggles with the asymmetric horn. Not some kooky-but-truculent species of goat. If only t'were so simple.
No, they are vexed by a relationship mismatch of morning and evening friskiness.
Can we help? Why of course...
(Apologies for some auditory oddities on this week's episode. We think it's just lost souls howling through the galvanic ether, but it could also have been Roger's dodgy WiFi)
This week we soothe a troubled soul whose partner has a morning routine (fannying about) that fits poorly with their own need to work from home (actually work). How to marry up two mismatched schedules, and not annoy the teats off one another?
How, indeed...
Do you struggle to get up in the mornings? To haul your scarcely-animated cadaver out from under the eiderdown, becoming vertical and mobile long enough to participate in the indignities of modern capitalism?
Are you just a bit groggy of a morn?
Our questioner is. Here's how we fixed it...
Gifts are a fraught business and this week's questioner doesn't want to appear churlish, but when family insist on piling on the cocoa solids, but they'd just love something milky-sweet, where do they turn?
Why, to us of course.
Our questioner is cut off from their father, but finds that friends don't support this in a way that they would like. What to do? Some sensitive answers from us, as ever.
Our questioner can't get any sleep. Their presumably-beloved wive tosses and turns in the night, hampering sleep and building a terror of the night itself. But can we help? Yes. Of course. That's the whole point.
This week's questioner wants to keep up with the news, but also wants to stay sane in this, the year of our lord 2018. How? How?
Our questioner has a drama-addicted colleague meddling in their life in the guise of legitimate concern. What can be done to ameliorate their dramatic diddling before it causes a genuinely embarrassing incident? We present three bold and distinct options.
What if poetry, but bad? This is the problem facing this week's asker, who is faced with reading terrible poetry at a loved one's funeral. How to get out of this heady combo of bad art and awkward social issues? Of course, we will fix it.
This week's questioner has a problem with the ol' internet dating. Specifically: what do you do when you're propositioned to bear the children of a friend of a friend behind their wife's back via OKCupid? Obviously everyone's been there, which is why this week's team of fixers have such good advice.
Back again with an intriguing mystery fixer (they themselves are the mystery, they do not fix mystery, though they could, if they chose to, which they do not). This week, our questioner has a particularly vegan family with some particularly annoying proselytisation. Our fixee would eat flesh, they would seek to end this via the medium of Facebook memes. Faced with this onslaught, can we fix it? But of course.
We've moved. You might have noticed because this site is different. We're here now. Hello. If you subscribe to the show via RSS, you should re-point your client at this address:
If you've subscribed in Apple Podcasts, hopefully it should all update automatically for you. If you get all existing episodes downloading again then, well, sorry. RSS is not a very smart technology and they're all great shows so why not listen again? It's a fun time.
Finally, say hi to Haunted Phonograph. We'll be carrying on old shows here and trying out new ideas with a bunch of people we found waiting at the bins at the back of a closing-down Budgens. It'll be a good time!
Our questioner's significant other won't just go to sleep, and it's causing a strain on everything, from relationships to endocrine systems. With all sane solutions attempted and played out, where do you turn? Why, of course, to us.
Read MoreThe mandatory fun day at work. You know the one. Only the people in marketing like it, and even then only the ones with functional knees. What to do then, about this display of forced jollity and corporate bonhomie? What to do indeed?
Read MoreClothes! Basically mandatory, and yet so little help is provided to know what to wear, how to wear it, what even is clothes, and so on. This week's questioner wants to know how to get a personal style, and we are only too happy to help our listeners be happier and less naked.
Read MoreOur questioner is jammed really far too full of live young, and wonders what entertainment options are open in so precarious and fragile a state - a state that we, as fragile and largely immobile members of society, feel fully-equipped to address.
Read MoreWe all want to do our bit for charity, but there are so many worthy causes. How do you decide who gets your money? We have three very different methods to choose from.
Read MoreThis week's questioner fears for their friend, who is suffering some sadness from sowing their wild oats. What advise do we have for the serial shagger, the serial sex-doer, the carnal continuer? Let's find out!
Read More