Have you ever wanted to listen to the podcast without actually having to, you know, sit through the podcast? We know we have.
For reasons possibly not even best known to himself, regular listener Gareth decided to note down his reactions while listening to the last podcast.
No, we don't know either.
What we do know is that he sent it to us, and there is surprisingly little screaming.
We present below the entirety of "consequential-reaction.txt"
Did he say "room" or "zroom"?Rogger sounds genuinely unstable (earlier than usual). "That's going to degenerate pretty fucking rapidly" - unlike all the other podcasts, yes? Wait. They're talking about comics. Are they supposed to do that? Is there a standardised unit of manga reading? "Unique failing point". Because there is only one point of failing around here. Less than three minutes in, and we're discussing when someone died. Good work, team. Almost exactly three minutes and we mention "metafictional wank". Oh, and threats too. Excellent. ...and chocolates named after opera, I think? We've gone again. He's going off a little bit. Opportunity to talk about comics EXPLICITLY shut down in favour of chocolate naming conventions. Rogger == Dog that can't do stairs. Also, impressions. ...of dogs that can't go down stairs, specifically. I was briefly distracted by Rogger's shirt as he walked down stairs, now he's talking about people running in and out of comics. Nope, I don't know. I may have to read Opus to have a clue what the popsicle is being talked about here. Fine, I'll read Opus. Going through a surprisingly meaty section of actually talking about comics. Dave sounds happy. I'm not sure how to process this. Ah, he groaned. That's better. Doctor Fate in 3...2...1... Oh no, Martian Manhunter instead. Still waiting on the Doctor. "doing heroic shit" to "he kills himself" without skipping a beat. Nice. Mister...biscuits? Is he having an episode, or is this a thing that was printed? OK, sounds like it was printed. This time. Rogger has a question. This should be good. Oh. It's about biscuits. OK, it's biscuit vs. buttermilk scone time. This may be a deep hole. Ah, 2000AD people. This actually makes more sense now. "Twat off" - is that the bad word? Comics lying about what places look like (especially Cambridge) is one that sets me off. Nice to know I'm not alone. ...wait, I'm mentally grouping myself with this lot. Fuck. The segue into cheese was blissfully brief. Ah ha! Doctor Fate finally makes an appearance. Top-notch Pokemon pun, there. Apparently I actually concentrate on the words when they do talk about comics. Odd. ...and we're back onto snake people. Did they go into a wind tunnel briefly? Oh. Politics. 1984. Corn wars. Seamless editing and corn hole issues. Pizza and wine cure your corn hole woes? The levels of corn exposure are alarmingly high. Also, Korn puns. Pun explanation, too. Fun fact - "Word Up!" has been released five times since 1986. Ah, grandma meets Slipknot. ...an oddly calm and measured response. I thought Rogger was talking about Transmetropolitan? OK, there was a "fuck". Maybe "twat" isn't the bad word this week? "Fuck" is still worse than "twat", right? "I'm going to edit out the long pause" he says, after a long pause. Ah, they're actually talking about Transmet now. I hadn't noticed. "Future radio hosts reminds people to talk about what they're there to talk about." Wait, now they're starting to talk about Transmet? No, Rogger is asking if anyone put any actual effort into prepping for this. Spoiler alert: Only Dave (claims he) did. Over 30 minutes left, and we've not had a proper rant about the politics (yet). OK, we have Dongzilla instead. Wonderful. Also, where's my "Future Radio" t-shirt? Why did I just check the show notes for "The many cum faces of George Osborne"? Oh, it's there. Right. Sounds like Rogger is going on one. This could be good. Oh, there's a "cunt". That's the bad word. That got a bit heated. There are several bad words. More than advertised. They made up. It's all OK. I'm still listening, despite Rogger claiming that no one is listening. Ah, the chair leg of truth. I need to re-read Transmet. Lucy's excited. There's clapping. "I really love it when you crack out a Moby Dick." Now people are just saying "chowder" in silly accents. OK, now Dave is angry. I have no idea what's going on. Do these chairs have no legs, or are they a single leg? Is this actually our sixth digression? Is it a demon, or is it cute? Welcome to the "what goes on in Rogger's head" section of the podcast? Alan Moore impressions. Now we're off. He's making it stop. That's been fairly torrid. ...nipples that look like pepperoni? Why do I hang round for the post-credits thing? STOP TALKING ABOUT MEAT NIPPLES
So there you have it. The creeping cognitive decline of podcast listnership, condensed into one harrowing stream of consciousness. Thanks Gareth!