What if poetry, but bad? This is the problem facing this week's asker, who is faced with reading terrible poetry at a loved one's funeral. How to get out of this heady combo of bad art and awkward social issues? Of course, we will fix it.
This week's questioner has a problem with the ol' internet dating. Specifically: what do you do when you're propositioned to bear the children of a friend of a friend behind their wife's back via OKCupid? Obviously everyone's been there, which is why this week's team of fixers have such good advice.
Back again with an intriguing mystery fixer (they themselves are the mystery, they do not fix mystery, though they could, if they chose to, which they do not). This week, our questioner has a particularly vegan family with some particularly annoying proselytisation. Our fixee would eat flesh, they would seek to end this via the medium of Facebook memes. Faced with this onslaught, can we fix it? But of course.
We've moved. You might have noticed because this site is different. We're here now. Hello. If you subscribe to the show via RSS, you should re-point your client at this address:
If you've subscribed in Apple Podcasts, hopefully it should all update automatically for you. If you get all existing episodes downloading again then, well, sorry. RSS is not a very smart technology and they're all great shows so why not listen again? It's a fun time.
Finally, say hi to Haunted Phonograph. We'll be carrying on old shows here and trying out new ideas with a bunch of people we found waiting at the bins at the back of a closing-down Budgens. It'll be a good time!
Our questioner's significant other won't just go to sleep, and it's causing a strain on everything, from relationships to endocrine systems. With all sane solutions attempted and played out, where do you turn? Why, of course, to us.Read More
The mandatory fun day at work. You know the one. Only the people in marketing like it, and even then only the ones with functional knees. What to do then, about this display of forced jollity and corporate bonhomie? What to do indeed?Read More
Clothes! Basically mandatory, and yet so little help is provided to know what to wear, how to wear it, what even is clothes, and so on. This week's questioner wants to know how to get a personal style, and we are only too happy to help our listeners be happier and less naked.Read More
Our questioner is jammed really far too full of live young, and wonders what entertainment options are open in so precarious and fragile a state - a state that we, as fragile and largely immobile members of society, feel fully-equipped to address.Read More
We all want to do our bit for charity, but there are so many worthy causes. How do you decide who gets your money? We have three very different methods to choose from.Read More
This week's questioner fears for their friend, who is suffering some sadness from sowing their wild oats. What advise do we have for the serial shagger, the serial sex-doer, the carnal continuer? Let's find out!Read More
This week's question is a British classic, involving as it does bureaucracy, extended family and social awkwardness. How to get a non-passport-having mum to Bulgaria in six months time without her finding out? Note: not a cover for human trafficking this time. We've learned our lesson.Read More
We live in a golden age of TV, they say, their eyes glassy and peculiar, the faint buzzing of distant wasps carried on their flat, reedy voices. But it's true! Today's questioner struggles to fit all of these wonderful shows into their free time. Something has to give. But what? We will fix it.Read More
Our questioner has a problem - a beloved friend is hard to eat with, given some open-mouthed flapping and noises not conducive to digestion. What, they ask, is to be done? We will, of course, fix this.Read More
Our questioner struggles with the idea that they're giving bad gifts. What can we do to assuage this, make sure the gifts they're giving are good ones, or just convince them not to care? Three very different solutions in this faintly-festive episode.Read More
Our questioner has had a tough time in employment, with bullying and redundancy, and now struggles to overcome the trauma of this and look for a new job. Can we help? Sort of.Read More
Our questioner wants a nice garden without all that pesky maintenance, with having to know and care about plants, cutting things, digging things, and the horrifying reminder of the terrifying entropy nipping at all of our heels that comes with it. What to do? We know!Read More
Our questioner is navigating the choppy waters of sudden cohabitation, in particular, the treacherous eddies around the Strait of Flatulence and the fearsome squall of Depilation Bay. How do you manage expectations, mystique, and living together? Should you at all?Read More
Our questioner has been betrayed by their own mind and is now a prisoner to a swirling vortex of goth-pop inanity. Can we free them from this gulag of sound and ungodly image? Yes.Read More
Our questioner is an creative type, and loses all interest in the act of creation as soon as the deed is done. They need our help to stop their creations from sitting, unloved and alone, on the shelves. They are asking us, dear listener, us, how to do a marketing.Read More
Those ruddy-faced sprogs next door won't stop punting balls over your fence, violating the most basic tenets of communal living. But not to worry, we have some fixings that will sort that right out with a minimum of sharpened stick pits dug into your lawn.Read More